An Unnoticed River
The jet engines sang their steady whine of a song as folks tried to get a little shut-eye or at least comfortable. A few read the news or the SkyMall Magazine, while others played sudoko or read a book from their ancient "to read" list. One lady was using a large magnifying glass with a built-in light so she could see the fine print in her book.
As I tried to relax and reflect on the couple weeks' retreat I had just experienced, an emptiness resurfaced in the calm lake of memories. Little whitecaps began to ripple into severe choppiness. The choppy water of my mind soon turned into roaring waves, accompanied by deep dread. The two-pronged disturbance turned turbulant because my wife Edith is dead and also because I would be returning to an empty house.
Hot tears started to trickle down my face. The trickle was soon steadily coursing down my cheeks like a broken faucet that could not be fixed. This has happened many times since September 4, 2009. But most all the time it has happened when I have been alone. Now what? What if someone sees me crying? How could someone not see me? What if they think I am having a mental breakdown. If someone would have asked me a question, I could not have spoken any words. These tears have no words. I never knew tears could leave one speechless.
And I never dreamed that I could cry on a plane for 1/2 an hour and no one see me. I was not trying to be seen, but I did not think I would go unnoticed. But everyone in front of me was looking ahead or snoozing. Same with those behind me. The flight attendants were strangely still for 30 minutes, the couple on my right were asleep, and the two guys across the aisle to my left were totally absorbed in their books.
Besides feeling sad and lonely, I felt quite alone and distinctly disconnected from the sea of strangers who surrounded me. There was no American Airlines attendant who offered to relieve my distress. Nor could she. But, strangely, an invisible Flight Attendant walked down the aisle, read the fine print of my heart with His lighted magnifying glass, collected every single tear I shed and, of all things, put them in a bottle. (Psa 56:8) It also felt like He hugged me.
I hope that if someone I am near needs a shoulder, a prayer, or a kleenex that I will not be too occupied playing sudoko or flipping through SkyMall Magazine to notice.
Dear Rogers Brother, I will not refer to you again by that greeting. This is the last and final time. You are your own person.
ReplyDeleteDear Reg. my dear, dear friend Reg. Prayers and tears are being offered up for you continually. There is an old song that came rushing back to my mind as I read your Blog. “Tears are a language God Understands.” That friendly invisible Flight Attendant was actually the Captain of Land, Sea and Sky. He HEARD your tears and that is what brought Him down the isle and to your side. Tears of self pity are not much use to anyone but tears offered up to God in prayer bring an immediate response from the Captain of our Salvation. As you disembarked from that plane He was right by your side. And so your house would not be empty He entered your residence before you making sure the way was prepared and He will remain with you as long as you desire His presence, still occasionally collecting tears. Your friends and family will continue to hold you up through your sorrow but the Captain will turn your sorrow into JOY.
Oh my dear brother Reginald,I can only imagine the feelings and emotions that you encountered,but as I was reading I was feeling the pain of loss and emptiness and please do not pay attention to the strangers on the plane that didn't notice but the love and prayers of your friends and family that did,and also the flight attendant who hugged you and comforted you there as you felt so alone. As we were praying and still are for you in this sorrow,,we were releasing the angels of the Lord to minister to you.
ReplyDeleteI can only hope that if I had to face a similar situation that you have that I would have so many friends and family who were covering me with prayers so that we, not like the world know the comfort of the Spirit of God and know that He is with you ,,in you and surrounding you in all you do. We do love you and pray for your total uplifting. God bless you,,Sherra
Dear brother reg, I know the pain you are feeling. I know you think it will never end but there is a brighter day coming when the pain will turn in to joy and you will remember only the good times you and Edith had. The loss of a loved one can't be explained or shared even though others try , the loss is so personal too deep for full understanding that all we can do is offer you up in prayer. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that you will find peace of mind as you go through this dark storm.
ReplyDeleteYour sister in christ,
Faye